I haven’t been here for a while, but I’m back. I have plans on starting a new blog dedicated to relationships and sex. It will be the beginning of my journey as ______.

Miami was amazing. Doing nothing all day and partying all night. I even met a beautiful Australian man with an accent. Perfect start to a new year.

The ephiphany I had last night could cause church bells to stop ringing
It was so deep and profound that I thought I would never recover
The blood in my veins frooze
My heart exploded
The pieces came out of my eyes in the form of liquid
Liquid that tasted of regret instead of the ocean

All because of that one thing you did

You didn’t think it would cause such a rise in me
But it did
We were never friends
Just strangers with memories
It took me months to have feelings for you
Only minutes to dismiss them

All because of that one thing you did

You treated me like a guppie
Forgetting my worth, I allowed it
Believing you cared was my mistake
Letting me leave is yours

All because of that one thing you did

I will no longer think of you as the actor you protrayed
Your mask has been ripped
And from this you will never recover
How about a round of applause
And as you bow I hope the curtain falls on your spineless back
You are a jellyfish

All because of that one thing you did

That simple, unjust act you ran on me
You wrung me out and hung me up to dry
I was white like the foam left over from a wave
But you got me all mixed up in the wash
Now I bleed color

All because of that one thing you did

It’s takes a broken heart to make someone deviant
Deviant is what I became
Temporary anger caused me to make permanant mistakes
Mistakes that I do not regret

All because of that one thing you did

Do you do this to all the girls?
Or just to the ones you feel can handle it?
Out of all the things you’ve done, it’s just that one thing
That one moment where all my expectations for us came collapsing down
Like a sand castle built by the ocean
You should of never lied to me
Giving me hope that we would someday be more
That someday we would run across strawberry fields
Hand in hand
Heart in heart

All because of that one thing you did

There will be a day where you will understand
The sun will shine through your window
The birds will be chirping our song
It is then that you will remember me
You will find me in every painting you create
You will look for me in every crowd you come across
You will come back
Only to find that I am someone different
Someone who doesn’t need you
Someone who finds pleasure in chaos
Your fear of love has ruined us
My fear of losing love has ruined me
You are nothing
I am nothing
Quite frankly,
I don’t love you anymore
I don’t even think I love myself
And THAT is what you did.

I always write a tumblr post while in the middle of writing a paper. Currently researching why men cheat and it’s all too obvious. It’s terrible that I know men cheat and I’m okay with it, because it’s so typical of life. Everyone cheats. Whether it’s walking diagonally across a field to get to the other side quicker or on an exam. There’s something appealing about taking the easy way out.

Whatever.

I can’t stop thinking about him and I just wanted to get that out. It feels different. He could be different. Positive thoughts or wishful thinking?

He reminds me of myself, a stronger me. Minus the drugs, insanity and blog. It’s indescribable. It causes mixed feelings. But there’s something there. He knows I’m an organized mess with a splash of weird and a hint of trouble and he’s okay with it. From the beginning, I’ve never had to mask how rude and caring I am. I, wish I could stop making up reasons to hate him though. Waste of emotions. What a strange world my heart lives in.